Teshuvah and what I learned about it

Yesterday evening was a sad one for me; I had a really unpleasant conversation with a family member. OK, for realz, I had a bad argument with my sister.

I wasn't very nice and said things that I shouldn't have...not because they weren't true, but because I could have said them differently. But the issue isn't really about what I said, it's about how I said it.

I felt terrible afterwards. I was talking to myself out loud in my car, and I asked God for forgiveness for the things I'd done, because I was wrong.

I thought about it a lot today. The 10 days that begin with Rosh Hashanah and continue through Yom Kippur are known as  The Ten Days of Repentance. During this time, we are encouraged to engage in acts of teshuvah, tefillah, tzedekah/repentance, prayer, charity. The way I treated my sister was a poor way to begin my journey as a Jew-by-choice. I said so today in an email to my sister, and asked her for her forgiveness.

Now, this may seem sappy and treacly, but really, this is what being a good Jew is about. Teshuvah means to "turn back" or "to return", and to make teshuvah is to turn inward in self evaluation, to look back on our deeds of the previous year, and to return to God.  

This is required whenever I act in a way that I know God would not like. When I act against what God has said, it's as if I've turned away from Him and gone in my own direction...so, when I feel crappy about that in my heart, I turn around to face Him again, and ask for His forgiveness, and then I'm doing teshuvah.

When I do something wrong against someone else, I should do the same - turn back toward that person, i.e., my sister, and ask them to forgive me; when I do that, I am doing teshuvah. That is what I did today.

I hope that she will forgive me...but I also know that I have learned a good first lessonduring this season of High Holy days. By doing teshuvah, I am doing what I am supposed to do, as a good Jew should...heck, as any good person should, you know, treat people with lovingkindness and all that.  :)

Shalom.